I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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