I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
