Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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