just come out here and I will go home with you...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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