my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
