then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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