I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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