I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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