yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
