I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
