this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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