she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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