Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
