Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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