Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
