Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
