Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
