apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Never joke about your clitoris.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
