He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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