That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
