he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
