just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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