I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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