Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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