You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
