A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
