I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need to align my fucking chakras
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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