If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
