I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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