I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He has the fingertips of a God
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
