I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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