I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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