She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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