Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
