Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
