I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Where is the hickey?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
