when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's official drugs can't kill me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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