awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
