I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
