From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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