She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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