Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
