had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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