dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
