Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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