wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
