when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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