by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
