Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
