If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
