So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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