Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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