You really coming over, don't trick.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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