I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sext me about skeletons
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
