Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
