I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
