A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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