Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
