fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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