i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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